I imagined myself falling into an abyss without anything to hold on to; I saw myself engulfed by nothingness, in a world without feelings, thoughts, colors, lost forever in a void.
Just then I had a fantastic dream - about an unbelievable reality. I had the feeling that somewhere in a distant world, the dream was being lived out. How could I be sure that dreams weren't actually messages from some other real existence, while my senseless life was in fact, just the imaginary reflection of that unknown world.
I wanted the dream to go on forever, to make me forget everything else, to wipe it all from the face of earth. I knew this whole story was only a dream - this tale that was bringing me back to life was something my tormented mind had created from nothing. Unconsciously, I believed the dream was true, I felt it was true, I wanted it to be true.
I believe in the impossible, I believe in my dream, in my vision of the future.
I could make, barely visible, a glimmer of light at the end of this black tunnel of pain and sorrow, this hopeless daily gloom...
It was what allows us to believe, what can transform almost any man.
It was HOPE
my mind could conceive it;
and my heart could believe it;
and then, I could achieve it..
My dreams gave life back to me.
Now I, must give dreams back to life.

NOSTALGIA

I wrote this poem a long time back...
it does not rhyme, it's too long, and has not been broken into proper stanzas,
and most of you will probably stop reading mid-way
But there's something about it anyway, that makes it really precious to me





The winds of change must continuously blow,
mutating everything, repudiating nothing.
But sure as the seasons change one to the other,
each one leaves behind a tiny whiff
a nostalgia - a longing for the one gone before
an emptiness - as the heart longs for times of old

As I walk through those conversant millieu,
it seems as if I have been taken back in time,
to the time when I was the present here
But now the winds have no ramifications at all
because a period of time itself has frozen
and how can something that is locked in its position,
unable to transform, ever be changed!
Everything else follows the mundane reality of the universe,
except for that brief period of time which continues
to perpetuate as has been stored in my being..
A place where love grew within,
A place where every emotion was valued
Right now, I hold the rod of present,
my present of this place,
pondering over the irony of the situation
the very place I had longed to escape
was the one I now wanted to hold on to forever
and take out the 'r' cuz then there
would be no end to the forever
I never want this moment to unlock

I don't have to try to remember,
don't have to struggle to keep
those faded memories alive
cuz it's all here-with me
and nothing could ever be better
I can see it all so clearly
the laughter, the sorrows,
the joys, the pain,
the sunshine, the rain
-all the vibrant hues of life
I want to hold on
to the warmth of those hugs,
the passion of those arguments,
the care in those tears....

But I know that 'forever' and 'never' are only words
I know that I'll have to go back,
cuz even frozen time is ephemeral
But I will carry through,
the hope, the love,
there's just too much that time can not erase
And as I sit here, in the unmitigated truth,
my soul is painted with NOSTALGIA

I take another deep breath
and feel the wind pass through my body
I realize that my heart is filled
not with sorrow, but with gratification
cuz there are going to be
so many more moments like this,
ones that I will want to live in for eternity
But in this one life, we don't have immortality
And that's the beauty of it, if not 'forever',
we do get to experience all of this at least once
And as we wade through that unpredictable path,
each moment leaves behind a trace by altering us
And by doing that, we carry the moment as a part of us
So that years later,
we can get lost in the nostalgia of that moment
And come back to appreciate
this delicate pattern of life

And yet, every breath I take,
every move I make,
every step I take
reminds me that this is real,
NOW - is life

The greatest danger

WHAT IS THE GREATEST DANGER FACING THE WORLD TODAY?

Is it global warming? Is it globalization? Is it galloping materialism? Is it global terrorism?

The answer can be seen clearly only when one realizes that throughout history, all civilizations have continuously distorted basic human values in order to perpetuate their power.

Why have our kinds always felt the need to dominate over others? be it another race, caste, gender or religion.

What is better dead than alive? - Conscience.

This has become the style statement for today's successful set of people.

We have evolutinized from apes to homosapiens and grown from a single cell to living, breathing, thinking beings. The quality of our inventions keeps getting better, but the content of our characters is degrading!

Religion, like humans, has evolved over time. What began as the belief in a greater energy, something truly divine, pure and spiritual, was eventually shaped into what we know today as organized religion. Divine messages and revelations have been changed and distorted over time.

Slap the word 'organized' in front of 'religion' and I'd say that it has done its fair share of destruction. Paradoxically, the very institutions that have grown to recognize god, have done the most harm.

Even the thought of infinity boggles the mind, so how can we expect to understand a consciousness as great as the one behind time, space, quantum mechanics and multi universes!

WE do it. When violence has been done in the name of religion, it's not religion itself- as a separate force in the world - that has done it. WE have done it, through religion.

Does somebody have to dictate what we believe in? Everyone has a religion - a set of beliefs that defines an understanding of life.

Maybe it's just me being cynical, but when I look around me, all I seem to see, is hypocrisies being committed in the name of religion, or young people wallowing in the trash of external appearances. And it pains me to see this happening.

There is no true civilization yet on this planet, and while we continue to respect fraudulent values, that debase humanity, there never will be.

Something, Everything, Nothing

Status : on top of the world (quite literally)

You have butterflies in your stomach, and you know it's not because your flight is taking off. Your head is all dizzy, and as you take off, watching the whole world become smaller and smaller until it disappears all together, you feel as if you could actually FLY. That's how happy you feel.
Maybe it's because you're in LOVE, with life, with the beauty of the world, with just about everything! You feel as though, with every heart beat, you're actually LIVING IN THE MOMENT!
And yet, with a pang of irony, as you read the paper, you wonder how there could be hatred in a world so beautiful, so full of feelings. You look around and you think, if everyone knew such bliss, and remembered it, perhaps there wouldn't be any wars, perhaps people wouldn't kill each other, perhaps the world would be so much of a better place.
But even with those thoughts, lingering at the corner of your mind, you think of your own DOUBLE RAINBOW, and you remember these lines you read somewhere, and how true they stand :

Look at the rainbow when things go awry, and remember the beauty you have seen in the sky. Reflect on it's promise, and think, as you do, of the joy and the hope that are waiting for you. For rainbows are simply reminders we see, of god's endless love, for you and for me.

Status : spiritual


The little things

like drops to form an ocean
like atoms to form an element
like leaves to form a tree
like clouds to form the sky
like bricks to build a house
like love to build a home
like thoughts to create a vision
'The little things' - they give you away, and they make you.
We are all so obsessed with the big picture, that more often than not, we neglect to look at what they're made of.

Whenever I have a dream, it's not the story that stays with me when I wake up, it's the small details - a particular feeling, a strand of hair or those whispered words. Whenever I'm day dreaming, it's the small things that I find myself building upon - the view, the dress that I love, the thumping of my heart.

And they keep building up to form that big dream, that everyone sees. But only I know, that the true essence of those dreams, lies in the small things.
The vastness of the sea, the majestic height of the mountains, the never-ending sky that holds a million stars with millions of wishes upon them, they really tend to make you feel little, meaningless, don't they ?
I find my self rising, spreading, growing with them. I wonder how I can feel so small, and so all over the place at the same time ? I feel like I can turn into the wind and gently graze your cheek, or become one with the sky to watch over you. I feel we're the same, the Earth, the sky, the wind, the sea, and me.
And I believe that that is how we're meant to feel. The great things that seem to us 'great' are not supposed to make us feel small or inferior. Instead, they ought to remind us of what's inside us, what we can be, what we're meant to be.
Why do we have to contain ourselves and try to shrink ? There is nothing enlightened about that. We are born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. To show that we are the little things in the world, that are - everything.
It is our light, not darkness, that most frightens us, We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, talented, beautiful and gorgeous'? Actually, who are you not to be ?

Status : spirits dragging

You feel blue. grey.
uninspired.
You worry, what if it's not enough ?
You worry, about what's to come, if you will have the strength to stand through it.
You feel as though you're watching the whole world through a tinted screen.
People come and people go, but you're left there, stranded.
The funny thing is, nothing is even stopping you! You are perfectly capable of moving ON, discovering more. Then what is holding you back ?
you yourself.
And that is when you remember.
And that is when When someone comes along and makes you realize the reason why you have to keep going.
The reasons you know, but have forgotten.
And a poke is all that you needed.
Because, you're ready now. with your chin up, and your back straight, and a smile on your lips.

We all have times when we feel a little too overcome with emotions. This was written at one such time....so I guess, it comes straight from the heart.

You're beautiful. Every little piece love. And don't you know, you're really going to be someone. Ask anyone.
And when you find, everything you looked for, I hope your life, lead you back to my door. But if it don't - STAY BEAUTIFUL

I'm all of 15 years of age, and if someone says that I don't know much of love, I'd say they were wrong. I don't have to think about it to know, that all my life, I've only been loved.
I can't remember precisely what my hard times were, I can only remember you being there. I don't remember what exactly you said to me, but I do remember laughing and crying at the same time. I remember how safe you made me feel when I had been feeling so helpless. I remember how just talking to you (even if I wasn't listening), send me positive vibes. I remember what it felt like to see a tear roll down your cheeks........
So if anyone says I'm a good person, or a good friend, it's only because you made me want to be good. You made me want to care, you made me want to be there, to just hug you and tell you everything was going to be ok. Because how could it not ? with people like you still here ?

I LOVE YOU, because of the simple fact, that, that is the only thing I can do. We have to feel, and believe in order to get somewhere, to be someone. If I didn't love you, what would I be ?
A drifter without a home, a solitary bird in a flight to nowhere .....

Do you now why I believe in spirits, in souls ?
That's because if I close my eyes, I can feel you right beside me. Not your physical self, your SOUL, what you're made of! And that's what gives me my inspiration...
Even if we don't talk as much, and no matter what happens, you'll always be there in the most important things in my life...you'll always be in my dreams, and hopes and in my heart, because you are what they're made of. And in that way, I'll always carry you through life as a part of me.....
I am truly glad to have known you. You gave me something no one else could.
=)

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our sols to dance.
They make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never ever the same.

OLDER AND......COLDER ?

The other day, my 4 year old sister came to my house, and as I observed the way she connected with people she just met, I was amazed! At how easy relationships were for her, at how she could just play colors with a kid for 15 minutes, and walk away being best friends.

Does the heart freeze after a certain age ? Do we lose our ability to connect, trust and have intimate relationships ? To begin with....what does intimacy mean? For some it is 'a wordless understanding'. The ability to sit quietly without having to explain or talk; a comfortable silence, where a twitch of a facial muscle or a raised eyebrow will speak volumes. It is 'the freedom to be, sans the fear of being judged.'
Why do we dry up with age - what happens to our ability to lose ourselves to the wind, to go ona roller coaster ride, to sing and dance ? A deep dive into one's own heart reveals such treasures, yet we sit at the edge and paddle our feet. Why not jump ?
This might hurt but sometimes people don't get close to anyone because of their own fears, which are often unfounded. Believe that the world is good, and you'll get goodness. If all your life you have been told to 'watch out for cheats', you may also lose the treasure. The world is largely good. People usually care and want to love. Accept it. If you wear armor all the time, you will attract an arrow, not a hug! Once in a while, it is worth taking off your spectacles to see just how tinted they are.
It is rare that we can go through life without heartbreak. Relationships change. Sometimes they evolve into something else, and sometimes they just dissolve.
The 'slings and arrows' of life pierce through the toughest armour at some point in life. The question at hand is - is that reason enough to stop loving ?
The secret in life is to learn to weather the storms. To know that the ocean has it's gems even as it has it's share of sharks. The drops of ecstasy are for those who are ready to let go of their umbrellas!

Need inspiration? Swing really high until it feels like you can touch the sky, then as the wind plays with your hair, slowly close you eyes and swing yourself your favorite song.

A lesser known drug....

How many times have you used correction fluid inks, also known as whiteners, to correct typing mistakes? Going further, how many times have you smelt it?
And when you did, did you notice the kind of high it gives you? How it makes your brain go blank for a moment? How it makes you all dizzy?

A gang of 6-7 young children, who earn their leaving by selling empty beer bottles, that people leave lying around here and there. A cold winter night. The leader of the gang goes to a nearby shop and purchases a 15ml bottle of whitener, easily available for around Rs 25. As he comes back, the rest of the gang can barely contain their excitement. They bring out their kerchiefs and he pours a little on to everyone's. And when a little bit is left, the youngest of them all, who is all of 5 years of age, fights with the rest of his gang mates like an animal just to get that additional amount of his obsession.
Yes, they're all hooked.

The police have found that the addiction to whitener has spread among juvenile criminals and children form streets and slums.
The next time you are at the railway station in the afternoon, spare a glance at the deserted stretch and the narrow drain alongside. You would see boys, bot beyond 15 years in age, sitting on tracks, and even lying inside the dirty drains with blank, dazed looks.

The small red packet Kores Eraz-ex carries a warning : Contains toluene do not drink or inhale. Misuse by drinking or inhalation can be harmful, even fatal. inflammable material, keep away from head.
Toluene is a dangerous, addictive drug that is cheap and easy to manufacture and can create a potential drug crisis.
Effects being intoxicated to substance containing toluene are stimulation of heart rate and respiration, feeling of euphoria, loss of appetite, increased alertness, paranoia, hallucinations and delusions. In extreme cases, the addict could die of heart failure, lethal overdoses or manufacturing accidents.
People who repeatedly breathe in toluene, permanently damage their brain. They may also experience problems with their speech, vision, or hearing, have loss of muscle control, loss of memory, poor balance, and decreased mental ability.

Just think of what this drug must be doing to those kids hooked on to it, day and night.

Please help spread the word....

The Heart or the Brain ?

'Follow your heart. Do what it tells you to'
Been given that advice ? I have.
And each time, I find myself more confused than before, primarily because of 2 things :
1. Technically, my heart beats, it doesn't tell me anything!
2. Even going by the conventional meaning of 'heart', I find that mine doesn't tell me what to do, it tells me what not to do !!, in terms of what it likes and what it doesn't.

Like all things in adolescence, my 'heart' is very very confusing. It's like a child, sometimes, it wants everything, and at others, nothing at all.....Sometimes, it wants to grab everything it can get its hold on, and at others, it wants to cringe away from everything. It is afraid of change; it wants security and 'love' (whatever that is. I leave it to individual interpretations); it likes new things, but it doesn't want to let go of the old....

So, honestly, in such a state of 'heart' or 'mind', what is a mere 15 year old supposed to do ?

'The heart forever is making the head its fool.'
True, that. And what's more, the hear almost never chooses to agree with the brain.
It will want that which it is told it is not to have.
A child will always want the thing that is taken away from it.
We are told certain basic things while growing up.
Don't tell lies.
Accept your mistakes.
And yet, somehow, we always end up breaking these rules.

The brain is sensible and logical. It will weigh the pros and cons of a decision and then chose. But the heart does not distinguish between right or wrong (actually, what is RIGHT or WRONG ? It's only a matter of perspective, right ?) It follows the principles of another language, which is within us, but also unknown to us.

Being the typical, self conscious teenage girl that I am, I've felt a lot of uncertainties about my weight.
And every time I tried to restrict myself from eating all the junk and fat that was making me fat, and began exercising to lose weight, it went on perfectly for some time....
I would see that big bar of chocolate, and I would yearn to have a bite of it. But I let my brain overpower my heart, and I was patted on the back for having such a strong 'will-power' . I would jog, all the time thinking that I had to fit into that really cute dress, and after a while, I would find absolutely any excuse to avoid it.
It would begin like this, and after I saw visible results, it was back to square one
.
Then I realized something, that so many of us are doing all the time. We are all, trying to overpower our heart, and hiding it behind the name of 'will', without asking ourselves what it really means. It is only a power, driven by our greater energies. And the will of the heart is too strong to be opposed. I'm not saying that we can't, I'm just saying that it would be a waste of time, because it would only overbear and burden us.
We always ask ourselves - the heart or the brain ? always taking it for granted that they would want different things. But what if they wanted the same thing ? The will of the heart, combined with the logic of the brain! Wouldn't that solve all our problems?
We are told that that victory which is achieved by suppressing others, is not true victory. But, aren't we doing that all the time, when we chose either the heart or the brain over the other ?

Everything is not as it seems

I am 15 years, and 86 days old today, and I feel as though I can see through people better, understand why they do certain things, and hide others. But, at the same time, I feel as though I know nothing and nobody at all!
We've all been shaped through different experiences and the choices that we've made and it is impossible to know all that just by looking at a person! Hell, even a lifetime is not enough to know every single detail of a person's life!
Yet, we are so quick to make judgements about people and their lives, based on their looks or the people they hang out with or the clothes they wear or the way they chat in the virtual world. Most of the time, unconsciously, but we ARE making these judgements all the time.
The sad part is that, so many times, these judgements or 'assumptions' hinder our experience of dicovering the other person, to really get to know them, to form intimate relationships.
I realize that the more people I meet, the better I get to know them, the more I have yet to learn about them. I find that my parents, my siblings and my bestest friends-continue to suprise me every now and then!
Who would've thought that the cute little girl over there could get mean and bitchy ? that the guy who is for justifiable reasons, a total pervert, actually is a lot more sensitive than he lets on ? that the guy who acts tough, and is swearing all the time, cries over marks ? that the girl everyone thinks has a perfect life, has more drama than one could imagine ? and that the girl who actually does have a perfect life, would to anything to spice up things a bit ?
Who would've thought that there are people out there willing to listen to all the stories that they've got to tell ?

So many times, without even realizing, we portray ouselves as people we are not! And so many more times, that image is NOT good!
I like to think of people as mysteries! There is just so much you don't know, that you have to discover. So, the next time, you are going to judge somebody, stop ask yourself, 'What is it that would make a person do this' ?